Lowest Bidder

“When man betrays his convictions, he sells himself to the lowest bidder, believing he is worth nothing more.”

If we are to take our convictions seriously, we must undertake what may very well be an impossible task:

We must hold our convictions close to our hearts, abiding by them in every thought, word, and action, and never straying from them … while at the same time holding them loosely, constantly testing them, and allowing them to shift and grow as we learn and mature.

We must hold them close to our hearts but with a loose grip.

The tension this directive creates is difficult to navigate.

I believe it is only possible if pride, greed, fear, and all other detractors are abandoned at the doorstep and, in their place, the perseverance of truth resides, firmly established and prioritized above all else.

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I hold my convictions like I hold my nephew: Close to my heart.

Close to the Heart

Whatever convictions we hold, if we truly hold them, we must embody them.

This statement presupposes that a conviction is a set of values grounded in principles and lessons that call to the higher nature of man, as opposed to the more base drivers, such as fear, greed, and pride. These animalistic motivators prioritize survival and the elevation of self. Perhaps it is even the purpose of convictions to stand in direct opposition to these lower, more selfish drivers.

We must live according to our convictions, regardless of whether they accurately reflect reality or not. We must abide in them simply because we believe them … because we believe they are right.

If we do not abide by them, we are willfully choosing to do what we firmly believe is wrong. Certainly, the outcome of such decisions could still be good, but that would simply be a matter of chance. The tragedy of living contrary to our convictions, however, would not lie in the outcome – regardless of whether it is good or bad; it would lie in the choice to betray one’s “belief of what is good” and willfully do what one believes is wrong.

Of the many incarnations of evil that come to mind, “purposely doing what you firmly believe is wrong” certainly is among the most vile.

If I had to venture a guess, I would say that the most notorious culprits to continually drag man away from his convictions and entice him to knowingly commit evil acts are precisely those that must be abandoned: pride, greed, and fear.

Why would a man abandon his convictions if not because his pride is at risk of being injured?

Why would a man abandon his convictions if not because he stands to gain more by betraying them?

Why would a man abandon his convictions if not because he fears the cost of abiding by them might be too high?

With a Loose Grip

Whatever convictions we hold, if we truly hold them, we must be willing to let them grow and evolve as we learn.

Since our convictions are primarily the result of upbringing, understanding, observation, study, conscience, and tradition, we must assume that they are, at least in part, flawed.

Therefore, we must never carve our convictions in stone. To do so would be to hold fast to the convictions of our former, less knowledgeable and less mature, selves.

BUT caution is necessary, for pride, greed, and fear again stand ready to wreak their havoc.

All too quickly, selfish ambition can masquerade as a reformed conviction based on new information.

Constant evaluation and reevaluation of motives are necessary so that we do not deceive ourselves.

And sometimes we do deceive ourselves, proclaiming that our actions are well-grounded in conviction, with every hint of pride, greed, and fear having been snuffed out. In reality, a noble conviction has been abandoned, and pride, greed, and fear stand at the helm, rudder firmly in hand.

If “purposely doing what one firmly believes is wrong” can be counted among the most vile forms of evil, then certainly “furthering selfish ploys under the banner of righteousness” is among the most widespread incarnations of it.

So, here is my note to self after mulling over these thoughts:

Hold fast to your convictions.

Keep them close to your heart and grip them loosely.

Be honest with yourself and exercise discernment with every step you take.

Recognize that pride, greed, and fear stand in direct opposition to your convictions. Do not let them wrestle the rudder from your grasp.

…and above all, walk through life diligently, allowing your convictions to grow and never betraying them.

To betray your convictions is to sell yourself to the lowest bidder, that animalistic drive that denies all higher callings, believing you are worth nothing more.

To honor your convictions is to accept the role bestowed on you by your Creator, to be His image, bought by the blood of His Son.

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I hold my convictions like a hold a bowstring: With a lose grip, prepared to release them.