Sisyphus

Author’s note: Today’s contemplation is more personal than many of the ones I have written in the past. I found the following lines in my journal and have decided to share them with you. I believe these words have the potential to help inspire important thoughts regarding intentionality.

‘Vagueness marks the graveyard where intentionality, action, and change lie buried.’

Ask yourself this question every evening:

Did you simply stay alive today?

Did you simply stay alive, or did you grow?

Was your mind challenged by new ideas?

Was your heart softened by the recognition of your own fragility?

Did your soul wrestle with the light and darkness in its midst?

The great tragedy of life is perhaps that we cannot see its significance – no, its grandeur – for our sight is impeded by that which stands directly before us: responsibilities, work, entertainment, vacation, duties, distractions, meals, fears, worries, hopes, plans… We push these things before us like the accursed Sisyphus does his boulder.

We work to stay alive.

We are alive to enjoy leisure.

We spend our leisure on entertainment.

But leisure without study is death – a tomb for a living person (Seneca).

And so, we believe we are working to stay alive while we are actually toiling in our tombs.

If only we could spare a minute to scamper up a nearby hill and see beyond the looming shadow of these duties. If only we could, for a moment, gaze upon the sunset, feeling the final seconds of warmth brush our skin before returning to our day. If only we could… for then, we would not be returning as the same person. Yes, we return to the boulder, but the burden is light because we have seen beyond the immediate.

I do not think it is necessarily about escaping the boulder. We are born with the debt of having to push it before us. I believe it is about refusing to succumb to its mass. It may be round, but we cannot allow it to become our world.

So again, I ask:

Did you simply stay alive today, toiling in your tomb, blind to the sunset that lies beyond the shadow of daily tasks?

Or did you learn even just a little bit about yourself?

Did you wrestle even just a little bit with God?

And when you ask yourself this question, you cannot afford to be vague in your answer.

Vagueness is not actionable.

Vagueness does not force change or inspire intentionality.

Instead, be specific – ruthlessly specific.

In what area did you grow today? How exactly did that happen?

What did you do or think today that you will change tomorrow?

Which specific question will you wrestle with next?

And did you simply stay alive today?

Ask yourself this question every evening.

And remember in the morning that you will ask it once again come nightfall.

… live accordingly.

'Struggle' - my brother competes at the local Sisyphus reenactment competition