Calm the Storm

Author’s note: For the sake of accuracy and clear communication, this contemplation will define ‘anger’ as the emotion one can feel. It can be acted upon or not. If acted upon in an uncontrolled manner and a refusal to control one’s feelings, it will be referred to as ‘rage’.

There is something special about being calm.

I remember recognizing its uniqueness back when I played soccer. Whenever I was fouled by an opponent, I would do my best to not show anger. I would hide the frustration and pain, stand up as quickly as I could, and, if my opponent was on the ground, help him up as well. I did this, especially if it seemed that there was malicious intent in fouling me. It was my way of communicating to him that he could not hurt me, he could not anger me, and my response to his maliciousness was grace.

I saw calmness as strength – strength of body and strength of mind.

I wanted my opponent to know that to him, I was untouchable despite his best efforts.

This reaction to being fouled is quite contrary to the typical response in soccer, which involves a lot of yelling and rolling to get the referee's attention. Then again, perhaps remaining calm is just as contrary to the typical response outside the world of soccer.

All too often, I see people lose control of their emotions and give in to a response of anger and rage. They use anger and rage as weapons to gain power and make others yield to their wishes. Who wants to disagree with someone they know has a short fuse? Who can restore peace when someone is acting like a raging storm? It is easier to give in and let angry people have their way than to try to communicate. And that is why uncontrolled anger works.

Rage feels like power.

But it is weak.

It is wrong.

And it should not be negotiated with.

Marcus Aurelius writes, ‘The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength.’

If rage is a tumultuous ocean, then a calm mind is an immovable boulder on the beach. It does not erode, and it does not yield to the waves.

Why is serenity power?

Because it feels fear yet does not act on it. It feels anger but controls it. It is rational and loving, patient and kind. We are our best selves when we are calm.

Why is giving in to anger and expressing rage weak?

Because it is childlike, it shows a lack of control and does not allow for rational thinking. It is often driven by fear, pride, or selfishness, and it is strongly inconsiderate of those nearby.

Here is the important part: A raging person only has power if others are affected by his outburst. People giving in to anger draw their power from those around them… I express uncontrolled anger…others get scared and speak very carefully around me or give in to my wishes.

But what if those around me refuse to put up with my terrorism? What if they do not respond fearfully but remain controlled?

Then rage does not give me power; I simply make a fool of myself.

What do the ancients say about anger?

Seneca writes, ‘To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden.’

Paul of Tarsus writes, ‘In your anger do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.’

Marcus Aurelius writes, ‘How much more harmful are the consequences of anger and grief than the circumstances that aroused them in us.’

All seem to agree on two things:

Anger CAN be felt. Anger SHOULD be controlled.

So, if you feel anger brewing in you, do not let it grow to rage.

Calm the storm.

A calm mind is a strong mind.

'Serenity' - winter in Arkansas