Be Real

My little nephew is now a toddler. He can run a mile in under three minutes flat, and his biggest role model seems to be the energizer bunny. Last time I saw him, I taught him how to shake my hand when I say, ‘It’s a deal’. When we sat down for a meal, he would clink his milk bottle with my glass when I said ‘Prost’, the German expression for cheers.

One of the things that I find remarkable about interacting with him is his authenticity. Toddlers are genuine. They are themselves – far more than I could ever be. I made a little sled out of a cardboard box to pull my nephew around. He would sit in it and giggle as he slid through the room. The joy he expressed was real. There was nothing fake about it. He was not laughing to please me but because he loved the experience.

I think I can learn something from my nephew: I want to be more authentic. Authenticity comes at a price, but I believe it is a beautiful one that is far outweighed by the reward it offers.

The best way to get this started is by using two examples from recent interactions I had. In the first, I was not being genuine. In the second, I was truly myself.

I met a man, let’s name him John. We talked about food and the weather as the conversation naturally moved from one small-talk topic to the next. I found our interaction was lacking in connection and passion. I say that genuinely. But - and this is the problem - I pretended to be invested in what we were discussing. I asked questions as if I were interested. And so, our boring conversation carried on. Now, he may have enjoyed it, I am not sure. But in my mind, he was a bit of a dull fellow, and I certainly do not have a burning desire to speak with him again.

In my second example, I was talking with a guy who I will call James. The conversation started similarly to the one with John, except that I then asked questions which I genuinely found interesting. I then brought up some topics I had written about and built those into the conversation. I recognized the excitement on his side as we discussed deep, meaningful topics. We both had a great time and connected over things we both loved.

So, what went wrong in the first conversation?

I didn’t give John a chance to get to know me because I didn’t show my true self. I hid under so much friendliness and fake interest that he couldn’t see the true me. It could very well be that he thought the conversation was just as boring as I perceived it to be, and yet, I thought I was doing him a favor by pretending to be fascinated. Now that I think back, it was actually a bit disrespectful of me to assume I could not be real and honest with him… as if I assumed there was no depth to him.

Perhaps a short disclaimer would be in order here. Like all other topics we have discussed, this one must also be handled with care. Becoming more authentic is not an excuse to be rude, unfriendly, mean, or impolite to people with whom I interact. Awareness, selflessness, kindness, love… those qualities all still apply. I am not saying I can now treat someone disrespectfully and then excuse my behavior by explaining, ‘That’s just how I genuinely feel about that person’. We MUST care about other people, but we must do so genuinely. Thus, I ask you to approach this subject carefully.

I am certainly not saying that I will now only talk about things that I find fascinating. I am saying that it is my duty to move more toward authenticity when interacting with people. They deserve that from me. Only then can relationships form and friendships grow strong.

The price of authenticity is this: I will not be able to connect with everyone. Some people are just wildly different than me… and yet, exactly that would make for an interesting conversation if we both express our differences. Imagine I tell someone I like talking about things like morality, virtue, God, and our pending death (all topics that genuinely fascinate me). His response is, ‘I truly do not care about those things’. THAT would be an interesting conversation. How could he not care? We would have missed that opportunity if we had both hidden behind fake interests.

The truth of the matter is this: If you are authentic, some people may not be able to connect with you. However, if you are inauthentic, no one will be able to connect with you; and, any spark that does happen will be fake.

This may, at first glance, seem like a small, insignificant topic. ‘Who else should I be?’ you may be thinking, ‘Of course, I’m always myself’.

Wrong.

You must dive deep. You must observe your thoughts and identify what drives your behavior. See how much is truly authentic.

In a world where we try so hard to fit in and please others, be yourself.

In a world that sells souls for money, approval, and popularity, be true.

And in a world that is fake, be real.

I think back to my little nephew. Like him, I want to express interest when I am interested and sorrow when I am sad. I want to show love genuinely, not because I feel I must. I want to ask questions when I do not understand, and I want to care less about what others think.

Yes, indeed, I find myself wanting to be a bit more like him - minus the poopy diapers, of course.

'Trust' - I take little bro shopping